my head is throbbing

this amuses me

i'm sick again - my immune system seems to have weakened substantially. i'm very hot and then very cold, so i have to keep taking the hoodie off and then putting it back on when sitting there in my matching underwear gets too cold.
i got bored today and took photos of leaves through my brother's bedroom window, but as always, i couldn't get the composition right and most of the photos were ehhhhhhhhhh

i want a smoke but i'm pretty sure smoking right now would break my throat. but then again, withdrawal is probably part of the reason i feel so shit; i haven't had a smoke for nine or so hours, it's actually beginning to hurt. but then i'm in so much pain that even sitting up to type this is excessively painful, so perhaps i can sit here and get through it.

i miss the old times. i like college. i like being able to start afresh. i like that everything that's ever pained me can sort of be left behind. but at times i still miss being around the people who caused the pain. stupid, right? i don't know. i just reckon that sometimes i like the pain. that i enjoy the suffering. but who knows? all i want to do now is lie here and hold myself and try to remember all the tiny things about you.