Sunday, January 31, 2010


this is really old, but i fancy this pic quite a bit
i should do some work today but nawhh
i want a galaxy cookie crumble

i got two, and ate them. i'm kind of disgusting.
i hate knowing that i'm not what you want, because it sucks fuckin' balls

Saturday, January 30, 2010

nothing to do when you're locked in a vacancy

so, who's lookin' mighty fine tonight?
i kind of want to eat now, but it's 10:00.
but i'm gonna be up all night chilling/reading/being awake anyway, so i'm going to get really hungry.
hmm. if there's leftover rice then i can make fish and rice, but if there isn't then i have to eat spaghetti.
or maybe i'll make instant noodles?
or i might have a really long conversation about food and just stay hungry.
grr grr grr.

i don't have a lot of work to do this weekend, just a couple of english questions, and a few maths exercises. this is the carefree period before we get our results and i spiral into a pit of depression, again, just like i do everytime there is anything academic involved that i don't do well enough on. which is always because i never do well enough for anyone. because i don't do me good enough. and i'm not sure if that's some kind of inherent flaw or whatever, but i just don't do well enough. i'm so, so tired of breathing. i'm so tired of existing to be criticized. i just want to be nothing, nothing at all.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

lately, i'm very tired.

i had ONE bloody lesson today which ended at 9:50 then i did NOTHING until 2:45.

and i am exhausted. this makes absolutely no sense. and i just watched the diary of anne frank and now i'm morose. and i want nothing more than to lie on a beach somewhere in a red bikini with a friend and a six-pack of beer. and i miss the easy parts. today, i literally got slapped in the face with the realization that if i want to go to oxford, i have so much work to do just to be the same as everyone else. and then i have to do more work, if only to be a little bit better. i am painfully aware that i should've tried so much harder. the tension headache that has been irritating me for a month is getting worse and sometimes, i can't breathe.

joshua radin, winter

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


christina hendricks is haaaaaat
strangely, so if barney from how i met your mother.
patrick dempsey = hot
i think i've suddenly been overcome with hormones and now i am surrounded by yum.

it's nice to have juvenile teenage girl posts

ew, i think i miss you

how tacky of me
my back is really itchy and i can't reachhh it arrrrgh
i can't stop watching grey's anatomy, it's a bit like crack

Sunday, January 24, 2010


last night was mental
seriously mental.
my head hurts quite a lot.
and katherine waking us up this morning was BRUTAL

pictures later when i've found my camera cable

in the meantime
here's my face + some tights

Thursday, January 21, 2010


mmmmmmmmm sour skittles are the best
and johnny depp = delicious

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

crash into me

while the sun kissed the mountains blue and eleven moons played across rainbows above me and you

i'll walk to the depths of the deepest black forest,
where the people are many and their hands are all empty,
where the pellets of poison are flooding their waters
where the home in the vallet meets the damp dirty prison
where the executioner's face is always well hidden
where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten
where black is the color, where none is the number

i am tired today. but i've finished my othello coursework, which is good. i'm low on cigs, this is bad. i ate a lot today. that's bad too. i'm still hungry. that's definately worse. i'm cold. this is nice. i am free to sleep now. this is also good. i might do maths homework which is in for friday. this is being ready. i could do the five pages of my chemistry booklet. this is what i do for fun.

i just watched a man's carotid artery burst. i watch too much grey's anatomy.

just cried all the way through satc
i found my hello kitty tshirt that makes my chest look smaller. by a fraction. i think it's because it was designed for a 12-year-old with no breasts to wear.

Monday, January 18, 2010

teehee neopets

i got bored last night and did makeup. and then i got blue stars in my mouth
and you can see the peach fuzzzz

you can still find a job
go out and talk to a friend
on the back of every magazine
there are those coupons you can send
why don't you join the Rosicrucians
they can give you back your hope
you can find your love with diagrams
on a plain brown envelope
but you've used up all your coupons
except the one that seems
to be written on your wrist
along with several thousand dreams

i shouldn't read trigger threads

Sunday, January 17, 2010


closeupssss for LB, of course
i'm going shopping today
this is a vague term because i don't have any money
so when we get there i will procure some by way of a cash machine.
also, i'm hungry.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

while the sun kissed the mountains blue and eleven moons played across rainbows above me and you

two things.
claudia schiffer is so beautiful, everytime i see her i die a little inside because i will never be that tall, or that thin, or that perfect. but i digress. the first thing i had this morning was half a can of beer and i still haven't smoked a cigarette.

and everytime i see lourdes ciccone i want to pin her down and wax the shit out of her. unibrow and all.

i'm a bad person.

Friday, January 15, 2010

i want to go dancing

mmm you do.
jimmy choo is collaborating with UGG and i am sad. very, very sad.

i was watching an anne frank documentary last night and miep gies was in it. i just went to look in the kitchen and she died on the 11th, while i was sitting a maths exam, probably. that's weird.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

i get bored sometimes.

media studies gcse work.

sometimes when i get bored i take apart my old keyboard to clean it and each of it's keys, then put it back together. it's very therapeutic. sometimes when i get nervous i rub my nails so i look like i'm casually inspecting my manicure. sometimes when i want to stop pretending this isn't happening, i allow myself ten minutes of daydreaming about my life if i wasn't wrong.

isn't it swell? isn't life just swell?

ugh. i can't continue this charade. i spend most of my time wondering whether guys approach me because the fat girl is usually more willing to talk to you, or whether i look like the kind of girl who will meet you today and screw you tomorrow. or whether i am that girl. i still count my calories in my head and someday perhaps the peculiar swirl on the back of my teeth will become so prominent that it will hurt to drink. perhaps not. perhaps perhaps all these possibilities of life.

on a lighter note i have no more exams and i'm going to get drunk tomorrow so i can forget for a moment. even if it is only for a moment.


also, everytime the words 'big willy' are said in the will smith song party starter, i laugh.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

sea of love

old colour work - photoshop folder.

i have so much old shit in folders on my laptop. in my room. in my house.
there is just stuff everywhere filed away in compartments - not neatly, mind you.
i've decided now that everytime i do an entry i'm posting an image i find somewhere deep in the recesses of my hard drive/bookshelf/my desk.

i think i've done something wrong. perhaps it's just his nature or how he deals with things or perhaps it's my paranoid tendencies or perhaps i am just worrying about a problem that doesn't exist.

'well i'm not the world's most passionate guy but when i looked in her eyes i almost fell for my lola'

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfucketyfucketyfuck this is so absurd.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

i'm watching grey's anatomy online

this makes me laugh.

starting from season three. i'm waiting for new 90210 episodes. i spend a great deal of time watching television series on the internet. we're having roast chicken tonight. mm, i love roast chicken. i really got to wash my hair. and i have to do today's shuttercal entry, which i'm sure i will tire of by possibly march. but i'm determined to do it for the whole 365 days.

i am currently reworking and refining some of my more shoddily written poetry for a competition. i'm submitting a group of five as required, three of which are a trilogy. i'm having a little trouble finding suitable line rhythm. it's a little embarrassing to read work i wrote at 13, 14. i was such an angsty little bundle of nerves, it's actually slightly scary. i'm still angsty and nervy, just in lesser quantities.

i think i'm in trouble.

Monday, January 11, 2010

mmmmm vagina monologues

birger mikkelsen <3

alexander mcqueen boot.
seriously, to die for. and the ankle socks are equally lovely.

alexander mcqueen gold hidden platform. that heel detail is incredibleeeeee

dior <3

today henry and i waited for each other's buses.
we're so clever

viva la white girl - gym class heroes

Sunday, January 10, 2010

i'm such a happy bunny. my cuzzz brought me a whole bunch of chink snack food so i'm gonna get super msg-ed for the next couple of months. mmmm mameeeee noodles. they are so tasty. i have nothing of great interest to say. i have to go to sleep real early tonight. get some rest. also cuz i gotta wake up early as hell in the morning to get to college on time. and i need to find a clear pencil case. this is going to be so mundane.

everytime some-one changes their profile picture on fb i feel obliged to go look at all of the person's profile pictures. and then sometimes i stalk them a bit. i'm a fucking creeper, i swear to god. i've been sitting on my asssss all day and i'm somehow tired.

i spend too much time on the internet.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

got dressed just to go to mcdonalds.

i've been watching CSI non-stop lately. i've not been inspired lately to do anything new with clothes besides embroider the sleeves of my men's shirts with hearts and whatnot. it's too cold to bother. perhaps when it warms up a bit i might work on cut-outs.

on the way home, two policemen asked me if i was cold. i said not really, and they chuckled and went, 'you're a lot braver than us'. i lol'd. also, i would look terrible in a police uniform. i have to take the baubles off the christmas tree. i'll do this later. i am still yet to revise besides from reading half my C1 textbook last night. i should really do some history. but alas, i am a lazy cunt.

Today, I was going to the bathroom. As I was about to wipe, I noticed that the toilet paper had butterflies printed on it. Never before had I felt bad for wiping my ass. FML

this made me laugh, for once.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

watching antm :)

there's possibly no college tomorrow :D
mmm i'm in the mood to go dancing.


deffo no college.

Sunday, January 03, 2010


these gloves remind me of bunnies. my dad sent me them in separate envelopes. he's so odd :) he's coming over in february so i'm excited. just some random close-ups of outfits because i couldn't fit them into my look for LB so i had to put them somewhere. gonna watch 90210 and go to sleep.

Saturday, January 02, 2010


not going to make impossible ones.

i'm going to try my best to be happy. and that is all.
don't want to go back to college, but it'll be nice to see everyone again.

i should sleep. i have work tomorrow.
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