nothing to do when you're locked in a vacancy

so, who's lookin' mighty fine tonight?
i kind of want to eat now, but it's 10:00.
but i'm gonna be up all night chilling/reading/being awake anyway, so i'm going to get really hungry.
hmm. if there's leftover rice then i can make fish and rice, but if there isn't then i have to eat spaghetti.
or maybe i'll make instant noodles?
or i might have a really long conversation about food and just stay hungry.
grr grr grr.

i don't have a lot of work to do this weekend, just a couple of english questions, and a few maths exercises. this is the carefree period before we get our results and i spiral into a pit of depression, again, just like i do everytime there is anything academic involved that i don't do well enough on. which is always because i never do well enough for anyone. because i don't do me good enough. and i'm not sure if that's some kind of inherent flaw or whatever, but i just don't do well enough. i'm so, so tired of breathing. i'm so tired of existing to be criticized. i just want to be nothing, nothing at all.