so i was going to go to sleep an hour ago, but i can't sleep and i don't really want to. watching goldmember and trying not to lean on either side because i got my second lobes pierced today. i'm hungry. not going to eat though - it's way too late. my work is overwhelming. i am inundated with a terrible fear that i'll fail again. i'll have to die if that happens. it's not dramatic and it's not foolish - i honestly don't see myself having a future if i don't do well in june. and i don't want to work in a chinese restaurant for the rest of my life. and i couldn't bear to be a disappointment. never. and you don't even know this. fuck's sake. see me. understand that i find it incredibly hard to stop this happening. understand that if i've become so, i tried my best to stay away. it'll get me in the end. it always does.
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