like yesterday, i am still awake.

IT'S HALF FOUR IN THE MORNING.
I'M NOT EVEN TIRED.

just watched inglourious basterds with my brother, and now i'm surfing lookbook for funsies. i went shopping today and bought quite a lot of shit, including this really nice grey knit thing.




and the thing is, i'm probably not going to sleep tonight.
i feel so unmotivated to work hard. i will probably do badly in my january exams but i'm struggling to care.
what happened to me? the tremendous pressure i used to feel to get good grades has totally died on me. fuck's sake.
trying to find a happy medium is ridiculously difficult.
can't find a stable weight, can't find a stable relationship, can't find a stable emotional state, and now i can't find a stable amount of motivation.

i disgust myself so badly right now it's not even funny. i just want to hide somewhere for months from everyone and anything. and hide from these dreams i've been having because they're just too nice. they're just too good to be true and every time i wake up i realize how unachievable they are.