scars and souvenirs

today's outfit

LK BENNETT navy striped cardigan

AA black u-neck dress

ASOS diagonal striped tights

VANS skull trail high-top vans

also JAEGER blue cardigan

this is a rather unremarkable outfit, and so i didn't put it on lookbook - in fact i've not put anything up since before easter since i've been wearing the same sort of thing most days. college is more work and less dressing up these days. however, george got us tickets to a kurt geiger event on wednesday at the covent garden store - it will be muchas fabulouso, and i will have a nice outfit on. and i shall take wonderful pictures. there was also talk of a goodie bag, which brings me much joy. however i did find a look from january which i must've just forgot to post, so i'm uploading that as we speak.

so click on this bad boy to get to my lookbook.

in rather less exciting news, i had to fight my way through the hordes of GCSE students who live in the library to acquire tables for myself and fiona today - i genuinely don't get why there are all these GCSE kids, but no A-level students at the library. i sure as hell didn't revise for my GCSE's and i did pretty damn good anyway...

also, the rather awkward and unfortunate event that is realising your ex still likes you occurred yesterday. had this happened a year after we broke up, i would have been pretty pleased. revenge, karma, whatever. now i'm just sort of distraught because i want him to be happy, and i like having him in my life, but i cannot sustain a friendship where i can't act like myself - sexually inappropriate and flirty - because i don't want to give the wrong impression. so i told him we couldn't be friends until there wasn't weirdness. and that's shitty because i like spending time with him, and i like his family, and we have good times together. but that's how it panned out, so i'm just going with it. and it's going to be a bit shit.

it's hard to stay here and be like this. it's getting harder and harder to remain.

wishlist

this is what heaven's like. in tights.

i remember a long time ago when i wasn't obsessed with hosiery. my god i could spend a thousand pounds on this site easily. every style they have comes in about 50 colours; basically my idea of heaven. since they ship from the US when i get money to order them, i'll be ordering in bulk. when you're paying $15 for shipping you'd better make it worth your while..

neil gaiman is a genius

i need to complete my sandman collection; so far i have brief lives, a game of you and dream country. and i need MOREEE

americanapparel

as always i end up at AA. and as always i'm having LBD fever. i should note that LBD also means long black dress in my case, as i've fallen in love with the baby rib long dress. the velvet tank pencil dress and the nylon tricot pencil dress are just more of my loves. and i must have the u-neck dress in several more colours.

christ i only ever want things when i haven't any money :(

tattoo ideas

it's gonna be text. i think that my tattoos always will be words. at the moment i'm thinking about a literary tattoo, and shuffling around some ideas that just come to me. or more lyrics, quite probably beatles or john lennon's solo stuff. and i deeply desire a tattoo in elvish. or something from lotr. although i've already decided that i want the deathly hallows symbol. small, maybe thumbnail sized, thin black line. in the cleft of my ankle, if that makes sense.

* the world is quiet here - lemony snicket, a series of unfortunate events. in the font from the books, which is a kind of typewriter font.

* you don't have to stay anywhere forever - neil gaiman

* we are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams - roald dahl, charlie and the chocolate factory.

* tomorrow never knows - the beatles

*be resolute - marlowe's dr faustus

and i'm thinking things through properly, obviously. to be honest i don't see a way i would ever regret getting any of these tattoos, but i'm thinking about which ones i desperately love, and which ones i merely like. and i'll definitely be getting more ideas gathered before i make a decision. but i particularly adore the lemony snicket one, so that's a definite one for me.

letmewatchthis

is both a great source of entertainment and procrastination.

films i've watched recently


films i need to watch


and nadia insists that i watch orphan, the kids, ken park and gummo but i'm pretty much a huge pussy and will only watch them in broad daylight. after our stephen king marathon, including it, i'm terrified. that clown is a scary motherfucker, and i'm not even scared of clowns.

don't you want me/a little respect

i love the eighties

photo dump.

this is the most delicious sandwich i've ever had. incidentally, it was from a sandwich shop with a sign in the window proclaiming to have 'The Best Sandwiches In Amsterdam'. it was like a thousand tiny food orgasms. clarification; my face is superrrr hideous here but i like the picture, i didn't suddenly decide i'd look better as the comedian's badge

hello there. is this what heaven's like? parma ham, some crazily disgusting-smelling goat's cheese, more other cheese...man it was beautiful.


the only picture i managed to get of the goldmember 'shmoke and a pancake' series. this would be cigar and a waffle, and it was also delicious.

one of the many spliffs. this would be supa lemon hazeeee.

the condomerie, which i didn't notice until i noticed the sign. it looked like a really incredible shop, but it was shut when we went by :(

me and my beautiful big face on the coach on the way to amsterdam. i think at this point we were had just gone past, or were just about to go past eindhoven.

trying to figure out the damn lock on my bike. ingenious system, but i'm clearly unable to work machinery. although backpedaling to brake proved easier after a while.

katherine and i in a GIANT clog :)

there's also a picture that i've taken from my camera in this photo, so it's got william from behind and katherine from the front, but no terry :(

so that's a photo dump for now, i don't have time to do much else, on the way to a lunch

amsterdam

on 4/20 i was in amsterdam, leaning out of the first-floor window and blowing out clouds of smoke, watching the trams go by. i'd almost forgotten the pleasure i get from being so high that all there is to do is lie there. i like to feel like i'm not in control for a little while. because i try really hard not let anything slip when i'm sober, and when i'm high i just feel completely wonderful. and it was incredible to just smoke it. all the receptionist had to say was 'open a window if you want to smoke in your room'. not only that, but the sheer quality was shocking. amsterdam has ruined me for shitty weed just like hong kong ruins me for any kind of food in this country. i've discovered that i am capable of riding a back-pedal bike, although not entirely safely. i now know that i have my three cities i'd like most to live in. hong kong, new york city and amsterdam. it didn't really matter that there was no A/C, or that a whole floor had one shower, or that the paint was peeling, or anything. it only mattered that i felt like i could stay for the longest time and never want to leave. i'm becoming less and less attached to london. i'm going to leave it soon, and it'll be in my memories, but i think that i will always associate england, and london, and harrow, with sadness. and i don't want to stay.