the hills are aliveeeeee

watching the sound of music again. i love this film.

also, my mama gave me money for my docs, so i've ordered them. they'll hopefully be here on monday, or tuesday.

i'm feeling rather...peculiar, i suppose. i'm definitely unhappy, but i'm not really sure what's happening in my head. i never am anymore.

personal statement

I was brought up in Hong Kong from the age of two, and although English was my primary language, Chinese quickly became my second. Cantonese was the chatter in the playground and the calls of street vendors; Mandarin the solemn tone during class and amongst the elderly in the local parks, and I loved them both, especially when I passed the entrance exam to go to an international high school. I discovered then that being Chinese didn't mean you could write it, or even speak it; many of my classmates didn't even know the meaning of their names. Mine may have been a slight misnomer wisdom and elegance weren't my strong suit but I knew it was mine. Still, it was seen as strange that I preferred English to Chinese at school, both as a subject and as a language. The English language is wonderful and intricate and it's amazing to me that meanings can change with the slightest changes in syntax, and how logical rules are often interrupted by exceptions. It's the odd words I love, along with the smell of old books, and the contentment of finishing a piece of writing. Books that bridge the two halves of my life range from Chinese classics such as 'The Water Margin' and also those by Chinese authors about Western society; Amy Tan's 'The Hundred Secret Senses' was an superb read: the past and present, the Chinese-Americans and those who fled the Manchu coming together to produce a story that doesn't have to end happily ever after. I'm also drawn to crime fiction, especially when the criminal is within a closed circle of suspects, as in James' 'Original Sin'. What I love about James is that she doesn't try to avoid the 'guilty pleasure' of the genre; she renews its conventions from within. Emily Dickinson's 'I'm nobody'was the first poem that made me laugh - I'd never thought of poetry as something humourous before this. Simon Armitage is another poet I love; coming across 'Kid' at GCSE led me to search for his work. 'A Book of Matches' is one of my favourite poetry collections - the 'Becoming of Age' section is so relatable and the flashes of insight he divulges are fascinating. The catharsis of writing poetry is always exhilarating; putting pen to paper and pushing my emotions through onto a clean page has been how I deal with life for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, and less aware of what life would bring, I would pen neat little stories about morals and living happily ever after.Things changed. For three or four years after moving back to the UK, I found myself unable to write anything that wasn't an angry rant at the world, because those years of my life were hellish. It wasn't until I left high school behind that I finally found myself able to write stories again. My college held a gothic writing competition, and it was then that I remembered how hard it was to write a short story, particularly when I was so new to the Gothic genre. However, writing isn't a chore for me it's simply what I love to do. I'm interested in pursuing a teaching career - both my paternal grandparents and my father have been head teachers - my grandmother was the first Chinese headmistress in a then colonial Hong Kong. I work part-time waitressing in my local Chinese restaurant, and although not an ideal job, it has taught me that hard work pays off. I have volunteered regularly during summers since '06 at a local school in Hong Kong as a teacher's aide for English summer camps. Working with local students helped me to realize the difficulty of learning English. To go from a logical, almost rigid, language such as Chinese to English, a language full of irregularities and exceptions, is difficult, and I'm indebted to my parents for instilling bilingualism in me. Had I not learned to speak English from a young age, my life would be drastically different. All in all, I want to further pursue English as it has always been my passion and I feel that it would take me to a new level of understanding in terms of English as a language and as a subject.

shred shred shred

my shredding obsession has returned after seeing an incredible look from Karl Leuterio on LB. you can check out his looks on his lookbook, and he also has a blog.

i've always wanted to shred an entire shirt, but i've never sat down and just got on with it. i'm alos scared that i'd ruin it since i always get caught on things... i may have to go down to primark at some point and pick up a couple of plain men's t-shirts.

on a rather less exciting note, college starts up tomorrow. bugger.

BUT HERE ARE MY NAILS FOR FUNSIES.

i had them as model's own's plain blue before, with a blue tip on the ring finger. i got bored, as i do, and when nadia came round for stephen king saturday, we did nails. i ended up decorating the ring finger with blue polka dots, which i ended up disliking. i took it off today and went for the comic book strip nails, since this blue is the classic comic book blue, like in lichtenstein's whaam! i've done them before, but with a bunch of different patterns, and i really wanted to do them on all my nails.



i ended up doing the cartoon spiked balloons on thumb and ring finger; black lines and text, with white background and polka dots over the original blue. the index finger was light blue creme and dark blue glitter polka dots, and the middle and little fingers with just light blue creme polka dots. i need desperately to buy the seche vite quick dry topcoat; this manicure needs quite a few layers, and i get impatient waiting for them to dry. WHAM! CRASH! BANG! POW! i also considered BOOM! and KAPOW!

i'm watching cookingwithdog and pixiwoo on youtube at the moment. both are recommended; cookingwithdog is a japanese cooking channel narrated by a talking dog, seemingly, with a hilarious japanese accent, and pixiwoo is a makeup channel run by sam and nic, two gorgeous girls who do great tutorials, as well as really helpful guides on makeup.

i'm going to eat seaweed and learn how to make tempura now. and then go see how to look like veronica lake.

things to note.

1) selling my possessions on ebay is only beneficial to my bank account if i don't spend the profits on new stuff. i made around £50 by selling various old items of clothing, and am now being led into temptation (and into the red) by a pair of dr martens. the retail price is £85, UO are selling them for £75 and i have a 20% discount code THEREFORE they are a mere £60. and i've wanted them for as long as i can remember. so i'm in a pickle. i loathe pickles.

look at them. LOOK AT THEM. christ they're beautiful.

2) it is not hard to get through my list of unseen films considering my lack of progress in the land of work. some recent views are

• due date
• whip it
• the hangover
• the 40-year-old virgin
• the da vinci code
• angels and demons
• up
• despicable me
• wall-e
• the virgin suicides
• mean girls 2 [abysmal]
• cruel intentions 2 [also abysmal]

i'm noticing a trend. sequels need to die.

3) i eat too much during half term. i also don't go to the gym in half term. conclusion; half term = weight gain and shame spiral.

4) i apparently am incapable of brushing my teeth correctly, as i have a new cavity. and a fractured tooth. how this came to be, i'm not sure - it's not like i open beer bottles with my teeth. or chew on gravel for fun. the dental hygienist - to put it lightly - raped my mouth, and there was blood all over the place.

5) i am itching for a new piercing. but i'm running out of ear space. and facial piercings will draw attention to my moon face. and i am not getting another body piercing as i would prefer for my mother not to have a heart attack/rage attack. they come hand in hand i suppose.

well that's all. i have no interesting fashion news. besides the fact that christian louboutin's spring 2011 shoe collection is so abominable that i can't even bring myself to look at pictures, much less post them.

and this is today's outfit.

jaeger blue cardigan

american apparel black u-neck dress

miss selfridge lace floral patterned tights

out of sight;

topshop gunmetal pumps

LK bennett navy & white striped cardigan

£££

after reading this post on lauren's blog about the average british woman's make up bag being worth over £265, i thought i'd rootle through mine and see how much make-up i was carrying around. i was pretty sure mine wouldn't be astronomical, and would definitely not rival the worth of the electronics i carry around in my college bay everyday, but i thought i would do a picture post. i've not done an outfit post, or a beauty post, or anything that isn't the depressing monologue of my life lately... continuing in a similar vein, i thought i'd also do 'what's in my bag', blogger cliché that it is.

this is my make-up bag - it's pretty small, especially when compared to the sacks i've seen some people carry around all day.

fasio liquid eyeliner = £7

bobbi brown long wear gel eyeliner = £15.50

refillable eyebrow shaper = 15 HKD, approximately £1

eyeliner brush, part of a set = approximately £4

sue moxley famous eyeshadow trio = £5

the spoolie i got from mac while george and i were browsing, i figured i needed one and they were free...

mirenesse red lipliner = 15 HKD, so approximately £1

clinique super balm = in a set, for the 4ml it's approximately £3

lancome l'absolu rouge lipstick = in a set, approx £5

arezia concealer = 20 HKD, approximately £1.50

the body shop lip and cheek stain = £10

lancome powder = £23
body shop face brush = part of a set, approximately £6

so my total racks in at £82, which is more than i expected but still not anywhere near the insane amount of £265. to be fair, i'm a college student and i don't have a job. however, all the make-up i have added up would probably come to an obscene amount of money, especially if you included nail polish. if i had a steady, well-paying job, then everything would be either bobbi brown, or MAC. even the brushes are over £20 a pop, so i'd soon be reaching that total.

just for comparison's sake.

ipod nano 4th gen = approximately £100

ipod touch 3rd gen = approximately £150

blackberry curve 8520 = approximately £130

...i think it's safe to say i will be insuring my electronics, not my make-up bag.

and here is my college bag's contents.

clockwise, from top left.

powder and brush, as they don't fit in my make-up bag.

my make-up bag.

cigarette tin.

books, notes, calculator & pencil case

turquoise clipper

koi carp zippo

ipod headphone speaker, urban outfitters

asos tortoiseshell sunglases

ipod touch

ipod nano

blackberry

gloves

bottle of water

and the camera would be in there, but i used it to take the photo. clearly.

last week's nails. i have new ones, but my middle finger on the left hand ripped off and they look odd with a short one. today was warm.

you're so fuckin' special.

now i've just got the solzhenitsyn, the pratchett and the burdett to read. the last two are almost finished, so i could probably read them tonight. i went to the library and borrowed boris pasternak's doctor zhivago, and i've got to re-read the bell jar (sylvia plath) and a thousand splendid suns (khaled hosseini) for possible english coursework ideas.

i'm tired lately perhaps due to the new diet, and the weather. and i never feel like very much at all when it's cold and grey. i feel cold and grey, i suppose. i've been feeling strange this past week. i want to say disconnected but there's enough about me that's clichéd so i won't. i often wonder why i haven't made a screenplay of my life. or written about it in a medium that isn't this, or xanga, or whatever other places on the internet i like to purge my feelings into. perhaps it would be boringly obvious - my life is not interesting, as such. my life is not an exciting deviation. i'm not remarkable. i'm like any other kid whose parents aren't together because their dad shacked up with his secretary, or any other teenager who carves their arm into a mess, or any other girl with no self-esteem and attempting to recover from an eating disorder, or any other young person in britain who drinks too much, too often. i am not special. i'm almost painfully typical. isn't that funny though? i think it's absolutely hilarious, personally. in all my 'weirdness', in all the things that were supposed to make me different, i'm exactly the same as a million other people. it's so fucking funny that i forgot to laugh.