every day is a new day; i won't take you for granted

i'm three and pretending to play the piano.



I FEEL SO ALIVE, FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME I CAN'T DENY IT, I FEEL SO ALIVE
<3





paper jewellery


made an ear cuff and some other shit. going to sharpie some h&m ankle-length trainers. maybe a roy lichtenstein

schweppes cream soda :)

new bag, stanmore charity shop, brand new basically. some italian brand, my mum got it for me. i've been doing this power plate exercise lately and it's really intense. and painful.


AHHHH i want to redo my walls. i'm kind of tired of the vogue/elle motif. i redid the back with postcards from the tate, etc. should get rid of the ceiling shit but i cba. so tired lately. so tired.



MORE WORDS.

shimmy, scamper, cumulonimbus, bounteous, motorcross

old times

i can't remember if i wrote this down from somewhere, or just wrote it. i found it lurking in my folders.


you know by now how important kissing was to both of us and how much we liked it. we knew our preferences and our moves. we knew the dynamics of our score: when soft, when hard, when short, when long, when slurred, when staccato, when tongued, when only lipped, when open-mouthed, when closed, when held lips-to-lips without movement, when to bite, when to suck, when upper-lip to under-lip, when to breathe and when to hold our breath. we knew our rhythms, and our tempo, we knew our signs for intervals and for cadenzas.

it was an art we revelled in and strove to perfect.

you make me feel a number of things.

confusion, mostly. but sometimes butterflies




trying to use up all the origami paper i have sitting in my house. i made two of these while watching scrubs. i need to sleep more. seriously.

i like the sound of wind on the leaves. and the sun rays beating down on me. and cold beer. not too cold, just cold enough. and the morning cigarette. and the feeling of sleeping naked. and i like you.

the stuff i had today

jelly beans





this is from yesterday. it's for lookbook but my photobucket is being a knob, so here we go. went to the post office to send off an ebay parcel. history resit tomorrow, so i'm going to study the rest of today. i know what will come up, which isn't so bad, but there are 11 possibles, four of which are extremely likely. and i only have three questions, out of which i only do two. so i'll revise section 1,3 and 4, then two or all of them will come up. i'm not a fan of section 3.

BEERGARDEN

i look like i've got a bum. yesireee





i swear i had my top on, that was just a funny angle. today has been wonderful. george has the best garden for everything because it's so massive.

it's henry's birthdayyyy today :)




i miss this. my size 10 pants give melovehandlessssss. guh i need to stop nomming foodz



fuck i've gained three inches, waist and hips. that's horrific

words i like.

boondoggle, pootling, skullduggery, tarnation, trollop, phantasmagorical, quintessential, scooter, scrawny, facetious, microwave, pipsqueak, cornea, shellfish, canape, cornucopia, trimmings, painstaking and silvery.



today has been an exceptionally good day. and here is a picture of john travolta. when he was chiselled and whatnot. chiselled is another word i enjoy.

misty water-coloured memories of the way we were

hai i'm cher and this is before i got seriously freaky.


oh memories.

meadham kirchhoff

kind of underwhelmed by the meadham kirchhoff for topshop. i like this dress, not that it would look right on me. i just really like the detailing, and the sheer parts. mmmm.




http://uk.powerplate.com/EN/

i went and did this today after college with my mommmerr. it's exhausting.

francooooo

there was james franco. now there is dave franco :) ahhh i knew i recognized him from somewhere. he's cole aaronson from scrubs series 9. and he is delicioussss. admittedly james franco wins, but still. and dave has crazy brows but i kind of love them.

chanel.

i love this :)
i've had a great day, got an A in my c2 paper even though i skipped a question which made nooo sense. i'm just happy today. happy like a happpppy bunny.

i don't know what this is.

anuka baratashvilli. amazing.


i'm so tired. maybe it's just weakness. maybe i'm just tired. maybe i can't do this anymore. i feel like i'm going to crash and burn and i'm absolutely terrified. i can't wait until everything is over. then i can drink and drink and drink until i can't see anymore. until i can't feel and i can't think and i can just lie there in my own desolation and shame. fuck. regardless, i'm working really hard right now. i'm going through all of my history notes and doing spider diagrams for all the questions we did today in the revision session. i'm trying. suddenly i have motivation and also a huge input of shame and disgust. so i suppose i'm going to block out my feelings for the next week or two. fuck fuck fuck.

fuck.

i've suddenly realized how pathetic the amount of time i spend in my bed is. i need to revise but i'm so unmotivated.





The world it's yours my friend
It's yours to begin or to end
Oh the eyes of a dreamer
In the eyes of the man

Take nothing from nothing brother
And it's all just the same
For the loser is the winner
And there ain't no blame
'Cept the end of the game

hello charlie.




FUCK i am literally a pile of shit. i just went out to staples to buy lined paper and pens and i'm going to smash through four past papers, if not more today. i have to stop being such a fuckup

old notes

i've decided that since i can't stay up until 4am again i'll compile a giant list of things i can't stand and a giant list of things i can't help but love and possibly more lists. i'm lame like that. i have a lot of spare time in which i should be revising buttt instead i am making lists. endless, inexhaustible lists. lists of fun. and obsession.

i hate incorrectly used apostrophes, shutter shades, fake ugg boots, real ugg boots, pvc leggings = pvc cameltoe, odd socks, liars, people who fake stupidity, neon legwarmers, armwarmers, color-coordinating obsessively, sugarysweet cocktails, avocados, sun-dried tomatoes, girls in groups all wearing white jeans and different coloured primark tops, fake HOH-like shirts, boyfriend jeans with plimsolls, people who display all their personal problems on facebook; if they meant so much they wouldn't be out on show; anything from JD sports, people who drink WKD, shorts&oxfords&headband combos, people's arsecracks showing, people's bras popping out from their tops, topshop slaves, cunts, too-tight tops, fishnet kneesocks, leggings as trousers, mindless sheep, rah girls, fringe leggings, coloured skinnies, tango tan girls, over-tousled hair, brightly coloured lipstick, the ridiculously colloquial slang of today, seeing the arses of people who can't pull their jeans up and people licking each others faces.
erm. there's more somewhere.
i hate being told that i'll get ink poisoning from my doodles - i won't. fuck off.

girls who pretend to have class; i don't, why should you? people who smoke three tokes of a cigarette and chuck it, people who point out barely-smoked cigarettes on the floor to me, not inhaling, finding that you sat on your grettes and they're now broken, people who pretend to be innocent and clean, complete sluts, "nude", crocs, scene hair, harem pants, peplum skirts, open-heeled shoes [wtf], head-to-toe band merchandise, overtrending, fat people who dress like they're thin, visible extension tracks, people who try and force their religion on people, people who won't stop talking, people who don't talk enough. stingy cunts who won't lend you 10p when that's all that's between you and nicotine, chipping freshly painted nail polish, breaking sunglasses, scenies, teenies, false advertising, insignificant and typical tattoos of stars/names of significant others/something fucking stupid, itchy wrists, itchy shins, itchy anything, hair that won't dry properly, when you don't have anywhere to put your clothes, when you start crying because you're so angry, matching shoes, belt, bag and eyeliner, scrunched gel hair, people who get piercings that they don't know the names of and the horrible sound of some-one trying to pretend they're not crying.

you see, i am a deeply intolerant person.

i love my friends, scrubs, house, futurama, skinny jeans, marlboro reds, miniscule skirts, really tight dresses, budweiser, heineken and stella artois, late night, all-nighters, wake and bake, maryjane, beautiful people you walk past in the street, moments like the ones that you and i remember together, redbull, FML, INO, postsecret, doing the dishes at other people's houses, sleepovers, buttered popcorn, movie nights in, drunk nights out, poker games at becky's, garden parties at the g's, limousines, chrysanthemums, xanga, freak kitchen, chris rock, photo albums, shredded t-shirts, summer nights, sunrises, skype with monique, old friends, LKF, the fact that allegra versace no longer looks so skeletal, lookbook





this is from GCSE. nothing's changed, really. i'm still lonely and i'm still so painfully anxious about everything it's crippling me. actually, things have changed. i'm no longer in the grasp of my ED which is not looking like a positive right now. i don't cut anymore which means i end up eating my feelings. at the height of my ED, my highest weight was 130, lowest 108. i'm about 140 pounds right now. i'm disgusting. how long ago this seems and how i wish i was there again. that's terrible, isn't it?

make-up

today's makeup, just a slick of black liquid eyeliner and a wash of gold. my eyebrow seems to have smeared.


blue solid eyeliner and fuschia lipliner on the eyes, black liner and a bit of mascara. fuschia lipliner and clearpink lipgloss


same look, blushing coral lipstick from clinique.


gold liquid liner and green glitter liner slashes, black mascara. red lipstick, lancome. the lower lip is 'a different grape' by clinique, and for some reason it looks pink. it's more of a purple, like in the next picture.


better look at the whole thing.
when i'm bored of work i do make-up with whatever i can find. i am lusting for a miss.patina dress.

stop being you. please.

fuckety fuckety fuck you make me nervous. you make me so goddamn nervous i could just throw up. alll over the floor. shit. i just want to curl up in a ball and scream. today has been such a shitpile of a day and it's not getting much better. perhaps i'm just extra hormonal or perhaps i just don't want to do this anymore. my resits start next friday and i can't breathe. just can't do it. i just want to put my headphones in and put some john lennon on and lie in grass with a picnic blanket and a glass of pink lemonade. actually, that's bullshit. i want to go back to two summers ago and stay there forever. and sit on repulse bay beach and drink beers and party until 5 am in wanchai. and i want fishball noodles in aberdeen and i want stanley market and i want monique's house in fanling and i want 7-11 and i want red taxis and i want my dad. and i can't have any of that here and it's killing me.

revised today.

season 8 finale. i cried a bit. and i don't care how lame i sound.



i wish i still had this lollipop. it was superrrr yummy

mostly chemistry. my resit is next friday and i'm kind of shitting it. they seemed so far away, and now they're next friday. fuckin' jesus. then i watched two hours of chinese soaps with my mommerz. and i should have been asleep at least an hour, if not more ago. frick on a stick.

total eclipse of the heart

hi, i miss you.



added gold/neutral buttons instead of the shoelace that was holding the deep cut in the front together. i'll have to shred around it really carefully. when it finally gets summery i'm breaking these shirts out with denim shorts and flipflops. or for the beach. idk, they're kind of useful. i slouch around my house in the orange one.



isn't this so cute? i have completely the wrong skintone for pastel shades, but i can admire from afar. c2 mock tomorrow. i have to do so much better in this one.

music videos.

okay. beyonce's new video 'why don't you love me' is AMAZING. shoes = LAAAAAAHHHHHHHVVVVVVVVVVVVVV. they are all so beautiful. nom nom nom.

conversely, miley's new video is like a bad lady gaga britney mashup.

aiiiiii SLEEPZ

sunny, thank you for the sunshine bouquet

old make-up shot



i cut the waist off a pair of old denim cutoffs that have gotten so frayed and ripped they're basically rags. idk.



i made the top from an old dress that was super ripped at the bottom, so i cut off the worst of the tearing and sewed up the bottom layers and it's now just a little corset top thing. it really holds everything in, even though it's made of such a delicate fabric.

i'm happy today.

watching the inbetweeners at 3am

mmm.

this is mostly going to be a post about attractive men.




he's just so frickin' cute. and i hate strawbery milk..



OMNOMNOMNOMNOM



i'm not even much of an mcr fan anymore, but he's too nommy to ignore



wxijcowrelvkmer he's all smouldering and stuff



need i say more? he could be a creepy scissoring maniac and he's still pretty. or as some crazy hatter. which i find worryingly attractive..


PATRICE.


there's not going to be much else to this post, if i'm honest.

grey's anatomy

I'm going to say this once. And then I am not going to say it again. I'm not broken. I'm not some psychodrama. My lack in interest in not having a child is not some pathology that you can pat yourself on the back for having diagnosed. I like my life. I like it the way it is and I don't want it to change. I thought I liked it with you in it. I hope I am not wrong.


ohh arizona.





i bought new sandals from primark - two quid and they're quite nice. the middle strap is braided.
i'm in a shredding frenzy once again.


started this today; primark men's gray shirt, s.



orange shredded tee - unfinished, but my favourite. BSX.



turquoise shredded tee - also unfinished, but i don't like this one so much - i unraveled the whole hem instead of doing it in sections, so it's formed strange rope-like strands. also BSX



my first go at a shredded tee - a top i didn't really like the fit of, but still liked the design. i had to pick around the seashell design as it was that imprinted shiny foil stuff, but i quite like it. i think i've shredded more of it since this picture.


and i'm ordering a fuckload of studs and safety pins. i might make one of those safety pin cross tshirts, they look kind of amazing.

or this.

and this caught my eye when i was surfin' the web; knitgraffiti. probably the prettiest graffiti ever..