dream country

everything is falling apart and i want to fix it, but it all slips through my fingers and i'm left with a pile of old essays, sitting on my bedroom floor and wishing as hard as i can to not be me. aren't these supposed to be the golden years? aren't i supposed to be excited for things? shouldn't i be happy? i'm not, as it were, but shouldn't i be? why can't i just be a girl, and not me? questions are burning themselves into my brain and all i can do is close my eyes and wait for everything to stop. this is ridiculous.