dream country

everything is falling apart and i want to fix it, but it all slips through my fingers and i'm left with a pile of old essays, sitting on my bedroom floor and wishing as hard as i can to not be me. aren't these supposed to be the golden years? aren't i supposed to be excited for things? shouldn't i be happy? i'm not, as it were, but shouldn't i be? why can't i just be a girl, and not me? questions are burning themselves into my brain and all i can do is close my eyes and wait for everything to stop. this is ridiculous.

you have stolen my heart

and from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
one good stretch before our hibernation
our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well


i'm too headachey to do anything proper so i'm just giving you some from the inspiration folder.



charlie le mindu's spring 2011 hair show. i loved this.



wedding cupcakes <3 i wouldn't even want to eat these cuz they're so pretty.



i don't even remember where this is from but it is incredible.



chun li cosplay - this is the cutest thing i've ever seen.



i'd love to be able to do something like this. i don't have the right facial structure for this. or the skintone.

the prophet armed

today's makeup.
eyebrows;
grazer refillable auto eyebrow in black.

eyes;
collection 2000 liquid eyeliner.
clinique mascara in 01, black.
eyeshadow palette i bought in debenhams - pink, purple, dark gray.

face;
some strange concealer for a couple of breakouts.



INSPIRATION FOLDER.

draw in light



i absolutely love this. the sections, the colour, the draping of the fabric. just love it. particularly love the ripped white thigh length leggings.


ban.do


these are from ban.do's black label collection, and they are just breathtaking. i've always wanted to try insane headgear - unfortunately for me these are well out of my price range. beautiful.



did a manicure. cnd's silver chrome & revlon's vixen. with go with a nautical theme for saturday - wearing my sailor dress to talia's 18th. but i also like black + silver. i'm having a tips phase. might work with that faux konad my mum got me.




STALIN; isaac deutscher.
ESSENTIAL WORKS OF LENIN; lenin
HISTORY OF THE RUSSIAN REVOLUTION; leon trotsky
THE PROPHET ARMED, THE PROPHET UNARMED, THE PROPHET OUTCAST; isaac deutscher.

i'm pretty sure this is my birthday present from my dad... it's nice of him though. he always sends me books on random occasions, and these are helpful towards my russian revolution exam.

theme; songs to do with blood

blood on my hands; the king blues.
drain the blood; the distillers
the blood; the cure
the blood is love; qotsa
we suck young blood; radiohead

the place became full of a watchful intentness now; for when other things sank brooding to sleep the heath appeared slowly to awake and listen

i'm going to start reading the return of the native by hardy. i have a crapload of reading for college anyway but i haven't read anything for pleasure in a while. i'm kind of ill at the moment, and living at george's since my mum's in spain.

i've generally been tired lately. i sleep a lot and try not to think too much. alone time is somewhat detrimental to my sanity at the moment. i want to go out to sea and drift. i can't find the normal stream of consciousness i'm usually in and my head feels like it's going to explode. i should go down a bottle of painkillers. or drink some water.

what we think creates the world around us.

sylvain sylvain; new york dolls


alain delon


heath ledger


just some things from my photos folder. such beautiful men. and how time ravages us.



zara, sept '10 collection.

i love this. it's not so much a lack of structure as carefully coiffed cloth. and the slouchyness of the whole thing makes me wish i was 5'9 and thin enough for this not to look like i'm trying to hide under it.



what i look like today.

music;;

i thought you said summer is going to take the pain away; hello saferide
heartbreaker; pat benetar
hummingbird; born ruffians
murder by numbers; the police
blinking pigs; little dragon

white vinegar

is how you get rid of wallpaper moulddddddddd.

i've been in the midst of an awakening. i will get back on track with things. eventually.

oh and my nails look like this.