purchases and whatnot

this is going to be mostly image-based, as a warning.

so last night as i was waiting for justin to turn up and have drinks with me i did a spot of shopping in wanchai's various cheap shoe shops and chain stores. i didn't photograph everything i bought; i bought two pairs of sheer patterned tights, lace pop socks, a black h&m skirt and underwear that i couldn't be bothered to take decent photos of...i'm lazy on holiday.

what i wore to go out.

H&M olive green button-up top

H&M black shirt

TOPSHOP diamante studded shorts

CONVERSE black sneakers

silver smiley face ring & black multi-loop ring

papa cheung took me to page one and i got these three; i'm saving the stephen king for when i've finished reading all the books in my dad's house.

red, blue and green tie-dye maxi dress from maple. i've been looking for a vest-top kind of maxi dress, as all the ones i have are strappy.

silver stackable rings, h&m

revlon nail polishes; 917 plum seduction & 791 midnight affair

BLACKOUT

UNKNOWN black long-sleeved shirt

H&M black shirt

TOPSHOP black velvet leggings

TOPSHOP gunmetal pumps

wahey. i'm rather busy these days and i do apologise for the distinct lack of anything recently.

1:27

being crushed there's a deadweightdeadhate sitting on my chest hitting me where it hurts and i am being crushed. and i can't get up because i'm tied to all of you and you drag me down into the slime. although i don't mean to blame any of you for this deadhate because i criticise and destroy myself piece by piece without any help at all because i can because i can because i can't fucking move from this i can't move away from it.

consumed by an enormous hound of guilt i scream inside, but i can't have you hear me won't have you hear my thoughts. bringing myself to a point where i can't disappoint and then i do and so i lose again. this isn't even a game anymore but i still fucking lose time after time and i'm starting to believe that i won't ever get to winning. not even a top ten but surely enough that would be worse. i don't want to be an almost. i don't want to be a not quite. i want to be exceptional, or truly disgraceful because to be competent or adequate merely leads to my mediocrity. my mediocre life and my mediocre mind and my mediocre existence. and i don't ever want that.