that pistol-packin' hermaphrodite

today has been a good day. it was a bit cold at around break, but it wasn't so bad after. got chips and went back to whitmore, mr ford and matt then ate most of said chips. matt then superglued himself to a superglue bottle and a student's work - we took photos. buffed more shoe polish into the boot and then buffed that over with a cloth. my arms ache. sushi dinnnner - yum. then my mum shits all over it by being a moody bitch, but whatever. she was telling some stupid story about my father/me as a child blah blah blah. i hate how she always makes him sound like a cunt. just because he fucked up really badly doesn't mean he was always a total dickbag. it's irritating. and i'm fat.vnefa;bisdkvz b.dfnsl fucking fuck fuck balls. i like food too much. some people quit drinking, i have to quit eating. balls. food is just so delectable. this is why i never went down the anorexia path, but then again it's not like bulimia is a better option. ugh. i feel like shit, and i feel like i want a drink. i just want to lie here and drink and read a book and pass out. things are bad again. even though they were good. i'm so screwy atm with the moods and the feelings and shit. one minute i want to punch something, the next i'm crying my eyes out. or then i feel the urge to ring anyone i have a possibility of getting a shag from. this year has been somewhat turbulent. and my heart hurts.

work was tiring.

http://apiln.blogspot.com/

i didn't serve one dish today because i was so busy serving drinks and wiping dishes. not to mention the fact that i kind of need a drink and i was face-to-face with a liquor cabinet for most of the day. i'm exhausted but can't sleep for some reason. and i need a fricking ciggggg ugh this is bad. i'm seeing jason tomorrow which i expect will be a nice way to relax after work. well, not relax as such, but whatever. i saw something earlier which irritated the hell out of me, but oh well. no-one gets my point on this, or why i hold it, but i don't feel like i have to explain. or that i know how to explain without explaining other things that should be left alone. fuck fuck balls.

i'm going to sleep, more work tomorrow.

so i'm feeling just a bit like shit.

covent garden and motorbikes


and i have done basically nothing today. except drink, and eat processed noodles. i would go for a shmoke but that involves getting dressed to go outside and that would be far too fatiguing. much easier to lie in bed and drink whiskey coke all day. and watching old ugly betty episodes. i should wash my hair maybe. i should get up maybe. i should do work maybe. i just don't want to do anything because i don't. i can't do this for much longer.




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i really need motivation/social activities/rum